Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust: Symbols Part 1

SYMBOL, n. Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere “survivals” — things which having no longer any utility continue to exist because we have inherited the tendency to make them; as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. They were once real urns holding the ashes of the dead. We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name that conceals our helplessness.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)

It’s been a long time that I’ve written much about my personal life. I started this blog as a sort of catharsis and just a place where I can put my thoughts feelings, opinions and just be me.

With time, I’ve grown deeply attached to all those who read and comment… they’ve been a part of my life and I, through their blogs, have been a part of theirs. With this ‘friendship’, I’ve lost much of the confidence that anonymity brings; life has, once again, become a place where I have to keep some hurts, some fixations, some opinions hidden because they may, as I know, offend my friends.

After giving the matter considerable thought, I reached the conclusion that what I am now is what my experiences have made me; the gusts of life have eroded the stone and shaped what you see today. I have realized, it doesn’t matter… and it shouldn’t.

For a person like me who is used to getting life go as THEY dictate it, the impotency that comes with not being able to control your feelings is hard to bear. It’s causing me to get frustrated and withdrawn again. And now, I think its time to stop this cycle I’ve gotten into. I have to start writing about myself again… putting words here has been invaluable to me in terms of sorting out my thoughts, getting encouragement from my fellow bloggers… and even the occasional cyber equivalent of a-whack-on-the-bum to let me see where I was going wrong.

So, my friends, no use skirting around the issue. From now on, again, I shall write about what shaped me as I am: my family, my surroundings and the friends I had; and some that I thought I had.

Now that so many people online know my real name, location and the kind of family I live in, that has, in ways, made me more vulnerable to exploitation and hurt should someone choose to do that. Yet, I stop and take a look around me. Is there anyone around you who has not done that? Everyone manipulates your emotions: your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, spouses. And NO ONE, not even your parents care as much as they make it out to be… as long as they get you to do what they see is ‘for the greater good.’ No one cares how much it’s costing you in terms of your childhood, innocence and the trust you held other human beings in. If someone chooses to channel my own emotions for personal good, I should learn to recognize that; and I should learn to deal with it.

Life IS basically simple. It’s we who, to increase our own worth want to make out as if we’re fighting a complicated battle. The biggest things in life ultimately end up based on a small event. It is the small stone cast in that causes ripples in the pond and ends up making that sea mine that had been there for ages, explode.

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15 Responses to Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust: Symbols Part 1

  1. Haleem says:

    I don’t know who you really are and there’s always the option of password protecting posts.

    I always started my blog to share my life (and see it as therapeutic!) and that is why many times I have resisted the temptation to reveal my identity.

  2. misspecs says:

    Haleem: Password protecting really limits the posts. Most of the best advice I’ve gotten is from people who drop by now-and-then.

    I’ve thought about the password…but I’ve decided to limit that to what might hint straight forwardly at my identity should someone in know chance on this blog.

    You see your blog as therapeutic? Man, i wish i could write like you: witty yet observant! I’ve yet to see you moan and complain about things.

    Maybe its ‘guy therapeutic’ :p Seeing the response on my ‘Wanted’ review, i see i still have a loooong road to travel before i am enlightened as to how a guy’s mind works!

  3. Sadiyah says:

    Nothing is perfect and nothing is static. This is however the adjective…”simple”.

    Life is simple. And ofcourse you get to define what simple is. That is the beauty of it all.

    What seems stressful or combative to you today, just may seem like learning experiences to you in later years. It has mostly worked for me this way.

    Write away darlin so you may reflect on it in later years and realise how much you grow everyday in life, love and existance.

    Sadiyah

  4. Ordinary girl says:

    Life IS basically simple. It’s we who, to increase our own worth want to make out as if we’re fighting a complicated battle.

    I TOTALLY agree, that’s why I keep things simple! 😀

    And can I be the rare virtual a-whack-on-the-bum? 😆

  5. boba says:

    When I first read the title I thought it was going to be a long elaborate goodbye.

    I’m glad it’s not.

  6. Neena says:

    I don’t know who you are and seriously don’t care?

    Life is hard for all of us, it’s the attitude which makes it simple and lively. If you plan to stick with what you believe in, you’ll find happiness when you are least expecting it. Hang in there sweety you’re smart and educated just be true to yourself.

  7. Amir says:

    What a great post! I’m with you 100%. Its also the same reason I began posting…as a therapeutic way to get things out, to write out what I am experiencing in life so as not to get overwhelmed or lost. Sure you may not please everybody, but tough for them right…its about you and your needs, and its YOUR blog.

    There are maybe 1 or 2 people who know my true identity, and though I’ve been tempted to tell a couple of others, I’ve resisted. I fear my blog will become something for others and not its true intention. I admire your courage and fortitude to do this, you get a virtual a-pat-on-the-back to start 🙂

  8. misspecs says:

    Sadiyah:”What seems stressful or combative to you today, just may seem like learning experiences to you in later years.” You seem to have gotten the gist of it in a single sentence. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by and commenting and welcome to my blog.

    Ordinary Girl: LOL, anyone can be that. Usually its Boba who delivers the whack. But now, as you see, i have a ‘pat-on-the-back’ friend too!

    Boba: Honey, you’re not gonna be rid of me that easily, rest assured. P.S. Who says goodbyes in parts?

    Neena: First things first, welcome to my blog.

    When i said ‘some people’ i meant it. Many people do know me. Through this blog, i have found people who are connected to me in the strangest ways. In my blog-roll, you see people who went to the same school as I did, even one who was born in the same hospital as i was. I got to their blogs via search engines. I had no idea of the connections. Even the people who comment here regularly and have their own blogs; I’ve become to regard them as friends of sorts and i care about saying things which would offend their sensibilities. Its the people that i don’t know that i couldn’t care less about ‘what’ they think of me. I can’t please the world.

    Amir: 🙂 @ ‘pat-on-the-back’ Thank you. That does make me feel braver and better.

  9. Sadia says:

    Oh, I was afraid you were going to say bye bye to us!

    I can relate to you feelings and i understand that this is difficult. And i know it seems like unfair why others gets everything so easliy, but i’d also reccomend as someone else mentioned it her; JUST hang on.

    If you know you are right, and who you are and that you don’t want to change urself for others. Then just walk your own path, even if it seems like no one is there for support you. Because you don’t need to justify yourself toward others. You don’t need to explain why you are the way your like. [I dunno if this made any sence]

    Anyway i hope you know that there are many who doesn’t know you in real life but enjoy your writing. Ipersonally really enjoy reading you blog so i hope you will continue the good job:)

  10. misspecs says:

    Sadia: Thank you for dropping by and being encouraging. 🙂

  11. daisy the lazy says:

    I too would like to offer you words of wisdom but I cant as I dont have any inside my head

    All I can say is that stirfry noodles taste better the next day
    Good day

  12. brainsmoke says:

    Life is simple…I like that. If only I could convince my head that’s how it should be, and to stop trying to complicate matters 🙂 I stopped blogging (well real blogging) because I was too public, pics and all, and I felt like my blog was very hollow, a point of quick amusement and smiles for passersby. Not too many exciting things happen in the day to day, so the blog was getting almost tedious.

    For a while you were on a very long hiatus without net access, but now you are truely back to your original intention…and don’t worry your loving blog readers will help you fight the haters 😉 at least in your comment section..haha

    A suggestion, if you don’t want to password protect, you can also moderate ALL comments, so you can read and approve before the rest of the world does.

  13. misspecs says:

    Daisy the Lazy: Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. 🙂

    Brian Smoke:”and don’t worry your loving blog readers will help you fight the haters 😉 at least in your comment section” Oh wow! Thank you man, you’re making me teary.

  14. Pingback: Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, Symbols, part IV: The flower « The view from behind my specs…

  15. Pingback: Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust- Symbols Part V: On Trust and the Present « The view from behind my specs…

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