- SYMBOL, n. Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere “survivals” — things which having no longer any utility continue to exist because we have inherited the tendency to make them; as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. They were once real urns holding the ashes of the dead. We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name that conceals our helplessness.
It’s been a long time that I’ve written much about my personal life. I started this blog as a sort of catharsis and just a place where I can put my thoughts feelings, opinions and just be me.
With time, I’ve grown deeply attached to all those who read and comment… they’ve been a part of my life and I, through their blogs, have been a part of theirs. With this ‘friendship’, I’ve lost much of the confidence that anonymity brings; life has, once again, become a place where I have to keep some hurts, some fixations, some opinions hidden because they may, as I know, offend my friends.
After giving the matter considerable thought, I reached the conclusion that what I am now is what my experiences have made me; the gusts of life have eroded the stone and shaped what you see today. I have realized, it doesn’t matter… and it shouldn’t.
For a person like me who is used to getting life go as THEY dictate it, the impotency that comes with not being able to control your feelings is hard to bear. It’s causing me to get frustrated and withdrawn again. And now, I think its time to stop this cycle I’ve gotten into. I have to start writing about myself again… putting words here has been invaluable to me in terms of sorting out my thoughts, getting encouragement from my fellow bloggers… and even the occasional cyber equivalent of a-whack-on-the-bum to let me see where I was going wrong.
So, my friends, no use skirting around the issue. From now on, again, I shall write about what shaped me as I am: my family, my surroundings and the friends I had; and some that I thought I had.
Now that so many people online know my real name, location and the kind of family I live in, that has, in ways, made me more vulnerable to exploitation and hurt should someone choose to do that. Yet, I stop and take a look around me. Is there anyone around you who has not done that? Everyone manipulates your emotions: your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, spouses. And NO ONE, not even your parents care as much as they make it out to be… as long as they get you to do what they see is ‘for the greater good.’ No one cares how much it’s costing you in terms of your childhood, innocence and the trust you held other human beings in. If someone chooses to channel my own emotions for personal good, I should learn to recognize that; and I should learn to deal with it.
Life IS basically simple. It’s we who, to increase our own worth want to make out as if we’re fighting a complicated battle. The biggest things in life ultimately end up based on a small event. It is the small stone cast in that causes ripples in the pond and ends up making that sea mine that had been there for ages, explode.