The Eid Opera

Scene:

A street in Islamabad

The Cast:

Don El Matto, a 10 year old.

Senor DaddyO, the 59 year old father.

Uncleo BasementO, aged 84.

Senorita Spectaccio, aged 22 elder sister to Don El Matto.

Don Bakrato, the gentleman goat.

Act 1, Scene I:

Don El Matto boasts to people on the street about the amazing speeds Don Bakrato can reach. Senorita Spectaccio launches into a plaintive aria ‘Don’ta doa thisa, via idiota!’ but Don El Matto takes it as an offense to his manhood. Children from every house in the street bring out their animals as the scene is set for the ultimate goat race.

 Senora Spectaccio continues to sing the aria in the background.

Scene II:

A passing car sets the bakras off. Most of the bakras are from villages… thus have a great fear of cars and run their muttony legs off. Don Bakrato, however, is a city bred goat and refuses to walk faster than a trot. In fact, he saunters leisurely down the road because gentlemen goats don’t run.

Don El Matto is humiliated beyond words and runs in to fling himself on his bed in a flood of tears. He gets up, looks out the window and shouts sings the heartbreaking ‘Perché il mio padre ha comprato questa capra?’ (Why has my father bought this goat?). The tone and the lyrics can melt the hardest of hearts and the audience appears moved. Some old ladies, young girls and non-Pakistani guys can be seen dabbing their eyes with their hankies. 

 

Senor DaddyO suddenly cuts across the song with the short and fast paced arietta ‘Domani, otterremo un’altra capra. Sarà veloce’  (We will get another bakra tomorrow that will be a 4 x 4 drive). The audience is hushed as the fast paced and furious song comes to an end.

 

Don El Matto wipes his tears. 

 

Scene III:

The new 4 x 4 bakra arrives amidst much excitement. Don El Matto has boasted about his size and the extras in the scene who play ‘children-on-the-street’ are hushed as they stare reverently at this 4 x 4 sleek black goat. It is fearsome. Indeed.

 

Don El Matto is about to take it out onto the street when his hand is arrested by a big hairy one…

 

*suspense music*

 

It is UncleO Basemento! He glares at Matt and suddenly launches into the song ‘Non giochi con loro. Le capre sono per il sacrificio’ (Do not play with these goats: they are for scarifice). Don El Matto blushes with shame. The goats are for sacrifice and must be given all the comfort he can give them…

 

Thus, when the evening before the big day arrives, he starts to sing the plaintive arietta ‘Voglio dormire con le capre’ (I want to sleep with the goats). Sernorita Spectaccio explains that he is taking the whole  ‘care’ thing too far but Don El Matto will not be budged.

 

At last, Senorita Spectaccio loses patience and physically hauls a kicking screaming Don El Matto off the scene to a background noise of clashing tambourines, clanging bass and breaking glasses.

 

*curtain*

 

So, what arias were you singing this Eid?

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30 Responses to The Eid Opera

  1. Sami says:

    Senorita Spectaccio reminds me of things I buy from Starbucks 😛 !!!

    You uncultured product of advertising! You just royally insulted my mega opera star persona. 🙂

    oo btw… my arias were… flu flu go away come back another day…

    spent the last 5 days in bed 😀 !!! 😛

    *goggles* really? Get well soon Dude.

  2. Saad Ibrahim says:

    😆 @ 4×4 bakra, i used that term in front of my younger brother 2 days ago and he said every bakra is 4×4 by default 😛 fair enough

    Maybe I’m a ‘leg’ person but let me share this: every animal is 2×2
    They use two legs at a time. Either same side (left or right) or front together and then back together.
    I’ll tell you a secret: Our bakra wasn’t 4×4 either. It was just the advertising and media campaign that struck fear in the heart of the competition!

  3. Shawna says:

    hehe. this takes the cake.

    love the wintry theme.

    Thank you, Shawna!

    G sang an aria about discovering his feet. the rest of us oohed and aahed.

    LOL! He’s a precious one. Keep an eye on that one in case he sings something about ‘I finally got started on solid food…now when I am getting married, mama’ 😀

  4. falakk says:

    Ha ha haaaa! This is HILARIOUS! You is a great writer, baj. 🙂

    Love, Falak

    Hey Love Falak. 😉 I’m glad you enjoyed the read.

  5. F. says:

    *lol*
    My, but you’ve had an exciting Eid!

    This was the part before it. On Eid, we were a circus troupe. My Dad insisted that 14 of us could fit in a Prado..and guess what? We did. I mean, we had to. FOURTEEN, I tell you. There were 7 of us in the last seat. 4 on the seat, the people who are somewhat below 5’5″ sitting in our laps. One couldn’t find a place to stick one’s face.

    Senor DaddyO is SO like Don El Matto sometimes when he gets stuck on something. Unfortunately, there’s no one who can do to him what I did to Matt. 🙂

  6. haha!
    😀

    love the names!

    Thank you, Senorita Smileyxio!

    I see Specs has been down to the beauty salon 4 a make over! 😛
    the foundation and eyeshadow looks awesome! 😀

    (y)

    No, it ain’t the salon, its me! Its the natural goodness shining through. 😉

  7. Saadat says:

    A 4 x 4 bakra? A friend of mine classifies them as 1000cc, 1200cc, or 1500cc. 😀

    Does that refer to their prices? 1000 centi centi.

  8. Pingback: The Eid Opera | Tea Break

  9. Awesome story, sounds like you had quite a day!
    Loved the way you’ve Italin-ified it.

    This was supposed to be published on Eid. But there was a line for the computer like the ones for food in the hostel…couldn’t get to it to complete the post.

  10. 'liya says:

    Hehe, great story 😀

    Love the goat pic!

    I thought the goat looked positively Italian…fits right in. 😉

  11. mubi says:

    hahaha seriously…aisay hi naam hotay hain plays mai :p
    great idea ;p

    Thank you, Senorita Mubbio!

  12. Dannish says:

    looks like golden globe nomiation material,wow !

    Thank you! Shall i get my acceptance speech ready? 🙂

  13. nadia says:

    Bravo, Specs! This is really hilarious.

    “Some old ladies, young girls and non-Pakistani guys can be seen dabbing their eyes with their hankies. ”

    LOL

    Yeah. Pakistani guys don’t cry! When they feel sad and upset, they just throw things like shoes or crockery at the walls. Or play cricket.

    Oh, and that’s a very gorgeous picture of Don Bakrato 🙂

    Its not Don Bakrato. Its just a similar looking Bakra. I thought I’d use the gora one so Don Bakrato can feel better about himself…he’s a Pakistani goat. Dark complexions cause self esteem issues. 😉

  14. Exquisite says:

    lol… cute
    and very creative

    wow… 4×4, 1000cc… ppl do have very imaginative minds… sadly, all my creativity was ambushed and destroyed by all those current and tempting tv seasons 😛

    Mine was fueled by it! I watched all seasons of Grey’s anatomy in a week. Then I watched Top Gear. After that came one Tree Hill (that one took long)…Then I watched all Episodes of Top Chef. Then, I watched Heroes (am still 6 episodes behind the current one)…then I’m gonna watch, The Big bang theory or something like that. I’m in love with TV. When its not shown on TV but on the internet whenever i wanna see it. Convoluted, isn’t it? 🙂

  15. studentin96 says:

    owww it’s fun to know eid customs in a different country! 🙂

    LOL. Yeah..goat parading and showing off is much of a custom with children in the street, LOL.

  16. inal says:

    Tus Lentes-in spanish- to honor the best laugh I have had in weeks!!! I read this in a meeting that was boring me to tears- you took it out there…and my dear you are better at imagery than I am…
    Thanks for coming by.. 🙂
    Inal

    You were using my blog to ‘bunk’ a meeting? 😀 Thank you. Tus Lentes doesn’t make me sound like miss Specs…the way I pronounce it (all wrong, of course) makes me sound Miss Lentil. 🙂

    Why is everyone replying to my Italian in Spanish, though? 😀 Is it my ‘senorita’ and ‘senor’ usage? I know, it was a mix-and-match opera, LOL.

  17. Amy says:

    Hilarious sis! *thumbs up*

    And the theme looks great too!

    xx

    Thank you, Ames. 🙂

  18. inal says:

    See still laughing… Should have been Mis Lentes…oy!

    😀

  19. hfm says:

    Tag you’re it!
    Check my blog for deets.

    Andd a late Eid Mubarak to youuuuuuuuuuu

    Eid Mubarak to you too and thanks for the tag!

  20. Exquisite says:

    very convuluted… :@

    out of all the shows that u’ve mentioned, i enjoy watching heroes

    Grey’s anatomy… yukky :S
    watch House instead 😛

    since u’re a fellow tv junkie… i shall advice you (lol!) to watch
    Eli stone
    Fringe
    Terminator (sarrah connor chronicles)
    Prison break (u r probably on it but thought shud mention it nonetheless)
    and of course, LOST … this one is a must… every time 🙂

    I love prison Break! And LOST. The only series that’s popular and over-rated is Gossip Girl. Eww. And Grey’s anatomy used to be good till the end of Season 3. Now, its just lame and stagnant.

  21. utp says:

    best eid post to date…GREAT WORK …friend…

    Thanks, UTP!

  22. Haleem says:

    Eid Mubarak specs. So i gather this was your sacrificial lamb?

    Eid Mubarak to you too.

    This is just ‘a’ lamb, not ‘the’ lamb. 🙂

  23. masood says:

    Haha, Don Bakrato..lol @ 4×4. It’s extremely hillarious. At the first glance I thought you are gona tell about Bakra but your post ended with my stomach aching with lots of laugh.

    🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed the read!

  24. Saad Ibrahim says:

    where’s my italian name? 😀

    Whoa, Don Saadorato. <– Here it is. 😀

  25. Ateeq says:

    “ultimate goat race” haha i just can’t continue to read. apparently i have laughed my lungs O-U-T out.

    WoW, I hope you aren’t planning on suing me for damage to your organs.

  26. Seher K. says:

    If i laugh it off, that wont be too sweet a comment.
    I will have to hand it to you.. the Shakespearen touch has left me tickling in the right places.
    love the way your characters have been thought of and placed..
    Bravo Signorita Bravo

    The effect was supposed to be more of an opera but it ended up being an amalgamation of Shakespeare and everything else under the sun, :). Thank you for dropping by and leaving a comment. Its really nice to know you enjoyed my piece!

    Oh and thank you for leaving the 2000th comment on this blog! You now have a blog friend status. 😀

  27. Saad Ibrahim says:

    I like it 😀

    LOL. I’m glad

  28. shine87 says:

    hahahahahahahahaha that was some seriously funny stuf *Wonders secretly, that whether this was sung in Godfather 3 the movie….hmm*

    Cool blog, sure to come back for more! 🙂

    LOL. It cannot have been; this is an original! Composed and written AND sung by yours truly!
    Hope to see you around again!

  29. Nikki says:

    That was a great interpretation i couldnt make myself stop laughing 😀

    Thanks Nikki…but er… what was funny?

  30. a says:

    The annual Bakra-eid dramay-bazi..poor Don el Matto..

    Too funny!

    I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 He’s just too emotional about the bakras at times!

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