The S Word- II

Shopping is a complicated exercise. If men don’t believe women are the more evolved form of our species, they had better. You only have to look at a woman shop.

It requires inhuman skill and complete mastery of a diverse range of subjects.

Advance Economics at a rate that would leave a man stunned for their brains simply aren’t as evolved. How else would you explain that the more we shop, the more we save? And how buying 3 clothes for the price of 2 equals saving money when you know you can’t ever use any of them because they’re just not the right size.

Case in point: If a penny saved is a penny earned, rather than the 1000 rupees sitting in your pocket, shouldn’t you spend them all on the buy-two-get-one free offer? That way you get things worth 1500, ergo save 500 rupees and therefore are now 500 richer in the aggregate owning stuff (useless stuff, but stuff nevertheless) worth Rs. 1500. Simple.

Advanced Finance for if you buy this coat now on your credit card, you’ll pay it over a ten month period @ 15 % interest rate that compounds over a period ‘t’. Even if it was continuous compounding with the rate equal to it raised to the power of an exponential, you can easily pay it back. I’ve seen ladies calculate this in under a second. Eat your heart out, Wall-Streeters.

Advanced Financial Risk Management and understanding of BASEL’s Capital Reserve Requirements Of course if that credit card payment doesn’t work out to the amount the lady’s calculated, her father/husband/boyfriend will pay it. What are they there for? They’re reserve sources of capital, what else.

Advanced Philosophy I have seen men go down in front of a woman’s philosophy with my own eyes. Yes, it is sadly a common place event.

The philosophy behind binge shopping…. BECAUSE. Socrates should’ve drowned himself in a barrel of beer he found in a sale. He never stood a chance against the common man woman.

Advanced Medicine Sensible women have long known shopping can chase away aches and pains of all kinds. Specially for females aged 13 and older. Thought its hasn’t been as effective on pre-teens; don’t worry, Hannah Montana and Disney have joined hands to work on it.

It’s a miracle cure and men should accept women were born with a natural understanding of advanced medicine because they intuitively know this novel way to heal the human body (and soul too).

Advanced Psychology Mothers use shopping as a bonding time with their daughters. Daughters use it as a sucking off time for their mother’s wallets. It’s a mutually beneficent relationship.

Advanced Law Cross questioning the shop owners and then trapping them with their own statements while having nerves of steel to not show one’s hand prematurely… shopping requires all that.

Super Powers including a set of X-Ray eyes to scan and store the product away for future comparisons with other items of the same size a la Transformers. Plus some skills which enable you to see into the future thereby projecting a list of possible problems with the item on sale and conveying them to the shop-keeper to bring its price down.

And of course speed a la Flash is always appreciated in a sale.

What I wouldn’t give to be blessed with all of the above. I had to drag myself through four years of Economics, Statistics and Finance and I still can’t calculate things as fast as my 16 year old shopaholic sister can.

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This entry was posted in Dear Diary, rishta, shopping, Specy, The Wedding and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to The S Word- II

  1. shaz says:

    dude, u lost me at “shop”… mmm boots.

  2. nadia says:

    LOL … very nice, Specs!

  3. I think I’ll find meself a guy. ._.

    This is madness!
    Madness? THIS IS STUPIDITY.
    *gets kicked in the chest*

    😦 I’ll never get it. This is corruption! D: When you don’t know where your money goes or how it’s saved. Sniff. Or something.

    • Specs says:

      uglyduckling, oh, okay. And just so that you know, that kick wasn’t me. I hugged you! (totally halal and online, I swear)

      And yeah, you’re a guy. You were born to be the person who earns but doesn’t spend. It isn’t too late to register for the change operation, you know.

  4. falakk says:

    O_O

    *Pause*

    AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAA! THAT IS AWESOME! I have NONE of the above characteristics! I AM NOT A WOMAN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

  5. Humaira says:

    Specs, I have shopped in Pakistan, and I totally understand this now. Its amazing how quickly my family can do this while I stare open mouthed and in awe.

  6. Haleem says:

    HAHAHA…

    Speaking of Socrates, once a man came to him and said “I know of so-and-so girl, should I marry her?”

    Socrates replied, “Go ahead. If she turns out good, you will have a good wife! If she turns out bad, you will become a philosopher!”

    The credit card thing almost makes sense!

  7. Tazeen says:

    I want to go shopping … i need money 😦

  8. Solace says:

    LOL, you are hilarious. Your references to Basel II cracked me up. Never thought my daily work could be equated to any aspect of shopping!

  9. Nikita says:

    lol….this was a fun read. but the ‘s’ gene is missing in me
    btw…been reading u for a bit now….n i find ur blog adorable! 🙂

  10. dua says:

    heay specy!

    yor write is awsome as always … wot you do is write your email address & i want to share some words with you… hope for care…:d

  11. Nguyen Van Minh says:

    This is also th behaviour of men in the Netherlands.

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