Enter: Real Life… on what not to do

Here’s a list as per Saadat‘s query…

The comprehensive list of what new husbands should not do or say

• Keep TOO in touch with current affairs and watch Geo News for an hour the first morning ‘You were putting on your make-up; I was getting bored’ is NOT an excuse. And yes, Geo, ARY and all news channels are now ‘officially’ banned *wink**glare*

• Play Tetris on your phone when she’s talking to you. It isn’t really the Tetris that got to me as much as the 2 extra seconds put into ‘save and quit’ instead of ‘quit’ did. That you’ve been playing it for a year and have a super high score is NOT an excuse. Really.

• If you’re helping her unpin her hair, you should listen to her and NOT start at the front just because those pins are easier to access… You’ll never manage to find all the pins at the back then and get poked in the eye with one 2 days later. True story.

• Doubt her cooking skills

Girl: Who put the fruit in the freezer? Now that its thawed, its so mushy and difficult to slice properly…it doesn’t look decorative at all!!

Man: *contemplates dessert* Don’t worry, you’ll get better with time.

Girl: *glare* I AM GOOD. Thawed fruit doesn’t slice properly- it just falls apart.

Man: Oh. Yes. I thought you said… *voice trails off*

• Tell her she looked ‘nice’ on the wedding day No, brides look beautiful. They don’t look NICE. Little girls with fairy wings for their 2nd birthday party look nice. Not brides.

• Be ‘funny’ “I’ve seen her in the morning when she isn’t wearing makeup.” No, that comment is not funny at all. At ALL.

• Be too truthful ‘So this is what your hair feels like without the conditioner. Ha ha. Er, why’re you looking at me like that, honey. Er, honey? Er …’

• Bond with her family too much So much so that her brothers forget whose side they are on and she notices that the pictures of her wedding that Matt e-mailed her were labelled ‘*insert man’s name* wedding.jpg’ Sorry, did you hear that tinkle? That was my heart breaking.

• Not get a hint ‘My hair looks awful’ is not to be replied with ‘Doesn’t matter, I still love you,’ it was supposed to be ‘No it doesn’t look awful.’ Guys just don’t get that they’re not supposed to AGREE when a girl is being self-critical… in fact, that’s the only time they’re allowed to disagree and will be given brownie points for it.

• To keep your marriage brimming,
  With love in the loving cup,
  Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
  Whenever you’re right, shut up.
  ~Ogden Nash